How to rekindle a mother/daughter relationship?

From Gabby- “My mom and I have not had a close relationship in many years. She has hurt me a lot in the past and I had to distance myself from her. I am older now, and would like to have some sort of relationship with her, however we have both become used to the distance between us I don’t know how to rekindle a real relationship again. Do you have any advice for me? Thank you so much!”

Hi Gabby, Thank you for your question. I am really proud of you for wanting to become closer with your mom again. It sounds like you have been through a lot of tough times together, but you are willing to move forwards, which is a very mature and respectable thing to do. If we focus to much on the past we never allow ourselves to move forwards and if we focus to much on the future we miss out on present day. Holding grudges really hurts the person holding them the most. We actually talk a lot about this in our book ‘A Bond That Lasts Forever’. Anyways, having a strong bond again does not happen over night, but with effort and intent it definitely can get better. Since you and your mom have not had a close relationship in many years, our recommendation for you is to first try calling her. Try to involve her in your life again. Start slow! This is not a sprint to the finish line, but a marathon. It takes time. Set a reminder in your phone to start calling her every week. For example, every Sunday night at 8pm make time to call your mom. Ask her about her week, how she is doing, and tell her about yours. Maybe ask for her opinion on something so that she knows you respect her thoughts. Once the conversations start to feel normal again and if you are enjoying this relationship, then try calling twice a week. Once you start building that connection again, maybe you can even ask her to meet for lunch one day and enjoy a girls day together. These conversations should be focused on present day and rebuilding your relationship. It might take time, but I promise you that it can be so worth it!

I hope this helps, and if you have any more questions please do not hesitate to reach out to us!

We wish you and your mom all the best!

XOXO,
Dawn & Cher